Since males also, need to be able to fight off any threat to their mate and territory, a tendency to violence, aggression, risk taking, physical courage, strength, endurance and speed are also, attributes required to enable staying alive long enough to reproduce. Evidence – the stotting of antelopes near lions, the large tails of peacocks, the large and superbly designed nests of bower birds and of even puffer fish in the sands of the seas, the head butting of elks, the antlers of deer, the loud and long croaks of competing frogs even at the risk of attracting undesired attention from predators, and even, when it comes to ‘Guys’, displays of branded and luxury products and cars etc. all these being displays of major investments of time and energy, though perhaps in this case, being that of their parents, and hence, end up only being display of status and not necessarily of personal competence.

‘Girls’ too, rate physical attributes (strong masculine features, waist to chest ratio etc.) as attractive, especially for the shorter-term relationships. However, for the longer-term relationships they value other attributes higher.

While ‘Guys’, even when seeking long term relationships, still accord greater value to physical attributes of attraction though they will also, now begin to attach value to other attributes. But ‘Girls’ now change their priorities and seek to value other traits more highly. Traits that incorporate more practical considerations as required for co-operation in raising the young. Hence, the ‘Guys’ now have to demonstrate not only proof of resources for protecting and provisioning but also, proof of commitment, tenderness and trustworthiness. ‘Guys’ are expected to give their prospective mates proof of serious intent, evidenced by costly engagement rings and gifts, and also, evidence of generosity and an attitude of sharing and kindness.

Generosity and sharing too can be seen as a handicap saying – ‘I am so competent and capable that I can afford to give my time and things away. Therefore, obviously I’ll be good for you’: A sense of humour and understanding, loyalty, trustworthiness, a kind and caring nature and a compatible attitude to life and even a subconscious response to pheromones indicating Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) differences are what ‘Girls’ now value more.

Marriage is an institution built upon a public declaration of commitment. It is also, the art of living with the many incompatibles between one and the spouse. Looking for perfect compatibility even as you make a choice is impractical.

“Marriage is an institution that promotes prosocial behaviour, not only by rewarding the good but by also, sanctioning the bad, delivers the highest returns” – Paul J. Zak.

So, perhaps an arranged marriage has some validity. Especially in cases where the children stay in their parental homes as they grow-up and perhaps even later. The parents can then be assumed to objectively better know what is best for their child’s happiness and when they only seek that and not be swayed by status or business links or other such reasons, an arranged marriage is worth considering. Here the parents can make the initial selection and the child has the choice to dislike and reject, a veto vote, or finding nothing to dislike accept, and decide to make the best life with that choice, recognizing that looking for the one and only ‘soul mate’ is evidently unrealistic and that not disliking is itself a strong plus and that one can confidently build upon whatever level of like there exists.

It is a fact that a sense of ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ is perceived by both ‘Girls’ and ‘Guys’ within the first fraction of a second of making eye contact (in a blink of an eye). Dislike being a ‘black or white’ choice is easy to decide upon, unfortunately ‘like’ has many shades of grey in between – ‘like’ but how much. Should one perhaps then wait for someone more likeable or go with the present likeable, or atleast nothing to dislike, choice?

It would also, be more appropriate to recognize that beauty or attractiveness is more than just skin deep and is not a fixed concept; it seems to adjust according to the situation and also, that beauty is only fleeting and there is more to a good relationship / marriage which factors become more important as the years go by.

As J.P Morgan, the American Billionaire was once said to have advised a young, beautiful and intelligent girl seeking his advice on how to find and marry an individual having a high income and who would provide her a lifestyle she thought she was deserving of. – ‘Beauty and Youth, my dear girl, are but depreciating assets, while an ability to earn a high income is an appreciating asset. These intersect only for a short time and thus cannot be the basis for long relationships such as marriage. So, expect the world to value each accordingly. Better you strive to yourself earn than to just depend on your present good looks’: – he could have also, added that- ‘Good nature and character also, are appreciating assets, of greater importance, that add up to loveliness in the eye of the beholder’.

Conclusion

Making ‘off the cuff’ remarks about what one does not really understand is more a sign of ignorance than anything else. To ask ‘Guys’ and ‘Girls’ not to resort to doing what they can to make themselves closer to what each thinks the other finds attractive, is going against Nature’s principle of natural selection. However, we can, and must call on everyone, to not go overboard, as attractiveness has a lot more dimensions and facets than just looks that, one thinks the other likes.

JAI BHARAT! – JAI HIND!

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